*I Wrote this post over a year ago... that 3rd baby is now born, a boy! Coming back to read it, I realize how many things have changed...the pregnancy did fly by, my husband lost his job, and life has moved on. I am not as idealistic as i was. I was very ignorant, and still am. But time will continue passing and I will continue to learn from life. I am glad, that through this difficult time I have filled my life with the sound of laughter and little feet.
As the title implies, time goes quickly. As I find myself expecting once again, I have had the opportunity to relax a little in my days. This has given me opportunity to look over the past 2 years and what it has brought me. This picture was taken when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my second child. I am now 10 weeks along, and just getting over (hopefully) the worst part of morning sickness.
I realize now the things I did wrong with my first and second child, and will inevitably do things wrong with each child. But the Lord is good, and helps us to see the wisdom in his teaching. I enjoy having the benefit of looking back, and still being able to look forward, many women today have forsaken this joyful part of life for frivolous things that will not matter in the tomorrow's of life. When I say I enjoy looking back, it is in regards to the memories I have made with my little family, My children have grown so much, I hardly recognize them as the infants they once were. My youngest child is just a touch over 1, my eldest turned two in January, they are very close in age, 14 months apart. It is so wonderful to see the changes in them each and every day.
It is truly a joy to have them so closely spaced, God in his infinite wisdom knew. It has been rather nice to not be pregnant for almost an entire year after giving birth to my second. The break was much needed, and once again, God knew.
I did not expect that by 21 I would already have 2 children and another in the works. If someone had told me so, I would have thought them crazy. We, like many other couples, planned to use birth control once we were married, I mean after all, how many children are logical? We thought a two child maximum would be good enough. This was discussed before we married. After marriage, we dabbled in different sorts of birth control, as hormonal birth control made me very ill. About half a year into our marriage we learned that the hormonal birth control had an abortificant effect. We were shocked. I was happy that it had poisoned me enough to make me ill, so that I didn't take it. After we realized the true effects of this commonly used drug, meant to poison women into infertility, we started to search God's word. We became wholeheartedly convicted, that children were a blessing. My husband made the final decision, and all forms of birth control flew out the window. We came to the conclusion that if we are to truly give ourselves to God, that we cannot pick and choose which areas we can let him have control in.
People have of course commented on the path we have chosen, they do not understand, nor do they try to. If they tried to understand, they might have to question certain aspects of their lives, and no one enjoys self scrutiny. We must though. It is important to question the effects of our choices, the message we are sending, and whether or not it is indeed God honoring. It is a hard choice to make, and we have struggled with it at times. Some days, I throw up my hands and wonder why I gave control away, and then I remember the beauty that surrounds me. Little feet scampering, arms held out for a hug, a first kiss from my one year old, my husband telling me he loves me. I am lucky to be able to have the choice to give away control.
This pregnancy will go by quickly, the aches and pains will be long forgotten in a short time. My children will grow and the days I think I cannot make it to the end, will pass before my eyes. Tomorrow is always waiting. What have you filled it with?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool...." Proverbs 28:26
2 comments:
Hi! Found your blog through Generation Cedar, and have been enjoying what I've read so far!
you said "Some days, I throw up my hands and wonder why I gave control away, and then I remember the beauty that surrounds me."
It just puzzles me how we (people in general) always like to think we're "in control" of our lives. But the absolute truth of that is....we're NOT! I mean, you never know what will happen tomorrow. It's funny to me how for so long I believed that having children or not was something my husband and I were "in control of" sure we'd been using BC of various kinds, but even then, God was still the one in control, really.
Anyway...what I'm saying is I agree with you! Just wish I would've figured it out sooner!
I think it is perhaps easier for us to believe and trust in ourselves, than God. Learning to trust him is a struggle, one I am still in the process of learning. I really believe that realizing God is in Control is a hard notion for us to conceive. Thank you for your comment!
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